You know how kids buy new skins on Fortnite- basically, they get new outfits and identities, and they can go between them when they wish. I know now that I bought ‘a new skin’, The mum skin!
I failed to realise that my old skin (identity) was still there, I just forgot to go put it on from time to time, and before I knew it, I was consumed with the responsibilities of motherhood, and I completely forgot I even had that skin!
When my son turned 10 (He is now doing his 20th run around the sun), I had this moment of – away from being a mum of who am I?
So, I decided to dust off the previous skin I wore loud and proud before my son was born, but to my shock and horror, it didn’t fit anymore. It doesn’t matter how much I tried to cram myself into this old skin… I had clearly outgrown it.
Before him, the identity I had wasn’t a place I wanted to revisit. Those ’90s hard house rave days were long behind me.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love playing some 90’s hard house bangers from the comfort of my lounge room (with a cuppa herbal tea in hand), but the endless club days and rocking up to work after a weekend of partying are well and truly over for me.
Who am I outside of
motherhood – the answer wasn’t in my previous skin. Instead, I found myself
asking if I even had an identity at all.
In 2011, I decided to get really curious about myself, my identity, and who I am.
I did a deep dive into human behaviour… And found my way into thought on a cellular level. I challenged every belief system and value I could think of (and continue to do so)
I tackled the good, the bad, the ugly, the toxic, and the wonderful in me.
Here is what I learned…
Your identity is forever evolving. So these feelings where you feel lost, anxious, afraid, and confused are all neural hallmarks that tell you to dig a little deeper and get a little more raw and vulnerable with yourself. Sure, you can go back and put on your skin from the ’90s but do you reeaalllyyy want to do that?
Or, do you want to start fresh with a clean new slate, with all the learnings and mistakes from your previous skins installed into your new identity so you can build and grow a version of yourself that makes your soul sing?
Yeah, it will feel awkward while you are working it out, but it is sure as hell better than staying stuck or, worse, going backward.